SPIDER ISLAND

If you are making a creature feature, then the creature being featured needs to be interesting. While this movie doesn't go in for a big and heavy special effect for its creatures, it does get an interesting enough ambiance and backstory for you to actually be looking out for it. The characters are distinct enough for you to engage with and while some of the acting is hokey, it's good enough for you to stay invested. Once the carnage starts, the titular island becomes just a horrid kill box of spiders in various situations. This works out quite well and the movie comes off as technically competent and engaging enough for it to be enjoyable.

As much as I am all for exiling every influencer to an empty island and watching them meet their demise, Spider Island just doesn't deliver. The "scary" scenes are entirely out of touch, completely lacking tension and cutting away far too early to induce any real sense of dread. Yes, the characters made me feel anxious, uneasy, and brought out the absolute worst in me (par for the course with influencers), but a satisfactory payoff never arrives. On top of that, the CGI spiders are irritatingly cheap, frequently clipping through body parts and casually defying the laws of physics.

Overall: I had a better time sitting in the dentist's chair. It’s neither a proper comedy nor a horror movie - just another flop.