TERROR FIRMER

Independent director Larry Benjamin is working on 'Terror Firmer,' his latest film about The Toxic Avenger. However, the shoot is plagued by numerous mishaps, and a mysterious woman is eliminating the cast members one by one. Warning. Given the boisterous and excessive nature of the film in question, this review will contain vulgar terms and foul language... just to stay in tune with the film! Ah, Troma, the immense factory that churns out disgusting nonsense and proudly goes over the top! After years and years of low-budget productions and trash films that consistently hover between splatter and the most extreme filth, the infamous 'alternative' production company decides to release its first 'blockbuster.' Yes, a blockbuster, because 'Terror Firmer,' at least in intent, is the most ambitious work of Troma. Even though 'Terror Firmer' is still a strictly low-budget film, the director's intentions are clearly to sign the true 'manifesto' of independent trash, a sort of hypertrophic 'masterpiece' where instead of a canvas, a soiled diaper has been used, a toilet brush has been chosen as a paintbrush, and blood, vomit, and diarrhea have been used as colors. Lloyd Kaufman, founder of Troma along with Michael Herz and director of some of the company's most famous films (The Toxic Avenger), tries to direct 'Terror Firmer,' in addition to appearing as a producer and actor (in the role of the blind director shooting 'Terror Firmer'!). 'Tries' to direct because the direction of the actors, the choice of shots, and the like are entirely approximate; indeed, watching this film, one gets the impression that the final cut is entirely composed of 'good first take.' I don't want to dwell on the screenplay because that would be like shooting at the Red Cross: two screenwriters (Patrick Cassidy and Douglas Buck inspired by a book written by Kaufman and James Gunn) to compose that rough outline of a story that was probably written with shit on a roll of toilet paper during meetings in the Troma office-latrines. Which is a bit of a shame because, in general, the products of this peculiar production company at least have a plot... bizarre, yes, but they have one! The cast, as often happens in these products, is composed of 'for fun' actors, unsavory figures with funny looks, and slutty actresses who every 90 seconds find the opportunity to shove their silicone-enhanced tits in the camera's face. Among the familiar faces, besides Kaufman himself, are director Eli Roth, porn actor Ron Jeremy, and the duo behind 'South Park,' Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Talking about 'Terror Firmer' objectively is really difficult because, wanting to evaluate it as any film, you are dealing with a vile work, very poorly made and beyond any limit of bad taste previously reached. The duration is surely excessive: for almost 2 hours, one witnesses a sequence of trash skits disconnected from each other where people scream, thrash, fuck, vomit, swear, fart, eat shit, piss themselves, die, and then go back to screaming, fucking, dying, and saying nonsense. A formula that, dragged out, would bore even a Tromaville resident in withdrawal. The splatter is clearly extreme and entertains the blood-and-guts-on-celluloid enthusiast, but, unfortunately, it is very poorly executed, and the various prosthetics are far too shoddy. There is a fetus extracted in an unconventional manner, a skull split by a bong, a fat guy sucked into an escalator, a penis fed to its owner, an incredible leg amputation, but it is all so fake that it doesn't even seem disgusting. The nude scenes in the film vie for gratuity, and there are numerous jabs at homosexuals, the handicapped, the elderly, and overweight people; a politically incorrect attitude so insistent that it soon becomes boring. How to evaluate 'Terror Firmer'? Enthusiasts of excessive trash will surely enjoy it, and if one considers only the level of filth and trash as a yardstick, then this film would deserve five pumpkins. If, on the other hand, one evaluates it simply as a 'film'... well, then it is one of the most wretched products spawned by American counterculture. However, even staying within the realm of Troma, one cannot help but notice many, too many imperfections rarely found in the crazy but careful productions of the American production company. Imperfections of a scriptwriting and production nature that make 'Terror Firmer' merely a giant, soft, steaming turd ready to be stepped on, rather than the manifesto of independent cinema so often touted by the very dialogues in the film.