THE WASHINGTONIANS

The Franks family returns to their hometown for their grandmother's funeral. In the old family home, Mike finds in an ancient painting depicting George Washington a parchment that seems to have been written by the president himself and in which he reveals his passion for human flesh, especially that of children. Shocked by the discovery, Mike turns to Samuel, a family friend, who immediately shows much hostility towards the subject: if this were known, the entire history of America would have to be rewritten! At this point, Samuel asks to be able to destroy the document, but Mike refuses, determined to hand it over to a museum. From that moment on, the Franks family attracts the wrath of the Washingtonians, a sect of "followers" of Washington who practice cannibalism and want to take possession of the parchment. "Masters of Horror" is a singular project born from the mind of Mick Garris, a director known in the horror field especially for the adaptations of Stephen King's novels. Garris thought of bringing together the most representative horror film directors in a project destined for cable TV Showtime and home video, the result is "Masters of Horror", a series of 13 half-hour films of 60 minutes each, each directed by a great name in the genre; each episode has a budget of 1.8 million dollars, the location set in the Canadian city of Vancouver and the greatest creative freedom was granted to each director. The names involved in the second season of this project are: Tobe Hooper, Dario Argento, Stuart Gordon, Joe Dante, John Carpenter, John Landis, Ernest Dickerson, Brand Anderson, Tom Holland, Peter Medak, Rob Schmidt, Norio Tsuruta and Mick Garris himself. Watching this twelfth episode of the second season of "Masters of Horror" reminded me of a funny episode of "The Simpsons", namely the one in which Lisa discovers that the founder of the town where she lives, Jebedia Springfield, is not the hero that tradition has handed down, but an outlaw murderer and coward who tried to kill George Washington. In that episode of the popular cartoon series, Lisa was torn between making the fact public (discovered precisely thanks to a parchment found) or covering everything up, ultimately choosing this second solution. Original and irreverent subject, softened by a well-meaning but appropriate ending... this is what happened in the cartoon created by Matt Groening, and it seems that it was also the intention of Peter Medak, presumed "master of horror" who has a string of directorships for the most diverse TV series (from "Magnum P.I." to "Dr. House", through "Law & Order") and only the ghost story of the early 80s "Changeling" as a horror calling card. We have somewhat gotten used to seeing involved in this project directors who cannot really be considered "masters", but if William Malone, John McNaughton and Rob Schmidt have realized very dignified episodes, even superior to some more illustrious colleagues, Medak has given us what is probably one of the most insipid and ridiculous episodes of the entire "Masters of Horror" operation. The parallel created with The Simpsons does not serve to indicate the sagacity and propensity for social criticism that the episodes of the cartoon are usually endowed with, but the sense of the ridiculous and the farce that hovers over the entire staging. Probably, the intention of Medak and his screenwriters Richard Chizmar and Johnathon Schaech was to create a sort of grotesque horror mixed with comedy, but the result appears only a pathetic mess of poorly written and poorly edited scenes that only succeed in unjustifiably tarnishing the figure of George Washington. The basic idea, taken from a story by Bentley Little, could have seemed winning if exploited with the right sarcasm, but "Il cannibale" does not succeed at all in being pungent nor in making one smile. The Washingtonians, dressed in eighteenth-century clothes, made up and with the classic white wigs, are as far as possible from the "threat" of a horror film, appearing only ridiculous. The final scene of the banquet, which should be the climax of the horror, is watered down and not at all revolting, the intervention of the federal agents is as stupid and improbable as one could think and the overall staging prettily television contributes to seeing this film in a bad light. Add then boring dialogues and unconvincing actors, among whom stands out, in the role of the protagonist, the screenwriter himself Johnathon Schaech, a familiar face for having played the insipid killer of "Che la fine abbia inizio". In short, "Il cannibale" is certainly an unpleasant viewing, difficult to appreciate both as horror tout court and as grotesque comedy, because too little funny. Neither flesh nor fish, just a big hole in the water.